1. Chick Magnet

Some time ago my neighbors across the street got a 1970 Jaguar E and they parked it proudly in their driveway. It sat there pristinely for everybody’s ogling.

I like fancy cars although I could never afford one like that. (My prized possession is a 1999 VW camper.) I teased John, who was in his 50s then, what he was going to do with that chick magnet. His wife, Lisa, said, “It’s mine, my chuck magnet.” And I thought only impractical men were into impractical, sexy and curvy cars.

2. Quote Magnet

“If you always tell the truth, you don’t have to remember what you said before.” This satirical quote, and variations of it, are often attributed to Mark Twain, although linguists have a hard time proving it. No matter. It works for me, as I don’t remember much of anything nowadays, whether it be the truth I heard or lies I made up. It probably would work for our new president Donald Trump too. He has a proven record of saying things which he would deny later – even if they were recorded and broadcast on TV. Twain might have correctly called it, and I quote “unethical amnesia.”

3. Knock-Off Magnet

No, I don’t think there is a Sunbucks or Starbucks in Tiananmen Square, Beijing, China. Mao Zedong’s body is well preserved and well presented there for viewing by the public. Rumor has it that there are 3 or 4 replicated copies of the corpse rotating so that whatever the tourists look at will always be manly and maoly. What the Central Kingdom of Counterfeits does to maintain its xeroxing prowess.

At Mao’s mausoleum, some guards, whether in reality or in imagination, reported periodically hearing voices at night that kept saying, “Don’t you know that I wanted to be cremated when I died? I came from earth and I want to return to it in peace. Now stop this circus and get me out of here!”

PS. As far as I could tell, the above is a real map of China and Taiwan.

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