Ten Reasons You Don’t Like Us – Part II

According to AOL’s Geobeats Section, there are ten American habits that others find offensive. I am going to list them verbatim below. Last time I already gave you Reasons 10 to 6, in descending order. The remainder is listed here. The words in italics are AOL’s original text. Those in normal (non-italic) type and blue are my reactions.

Every country has habits and social norms that may not translate well to other cultures. Here are 10 American behaviors found offensive by those outside of the US.

Number 5. Asking people what they do.

Ten Reasons You Don’t Like Us2

Really, not the best conversation starter anywhere, as it implies questions concerning income, status, and relative importance, but seriously not appreciated in nations with more holistic views on society.

I am not sure if it’s impolite to ask people what they do for a living. I ask that question to my new friends, regardless of their nationalities. And conversely, a lot of non-Americans ask me what I do all the time. (I am a salesman; I love that question.)

I would caution my Chinese and other non-US readers against asking their USA friends how much they make, how much they paid for their new Ford truck, their new house, the new Rolex, etc. It is considered really rude to ask someone such private questions in this country.

Number 4. Assuming everyone in the world speaks English.

Clearly, many countries have common, and sometimes official, languages of their own. Further, while a number of non-native English speakers do learn the language, their skills may not be perfect. Some are reluctant to use it for fear of being judged.

Whether you like it or not, English has been the de facto common language of the world, especially in the business world. Having said that, we should not assume everybody speaks it. If you only speak English and no other languages, and you think the other person may or may not speak it, you may want to gently ask “Do you speak English, Sir/Madam?” Even if the listener does not understand what you say, he/she will probably not be offended if you say the question in a courteous tone. An accompanying smile wouldn’t hurt either.

Interestingly, English is not the official language of the USA. There is no federal law listed anywhere mandating the use of English. But you and I know better: any language that has been used by the government for hundreds of years is in fact the official language of that country. Unless when you visit the San Francisco Chinatown, where speaking Cantonese (or better yet, a dialect called Toisan 台山) may get you a better price. I assume it’s the same mentality in most Japantowns and Koreatowns where you are better off speaking Japanese and Korean.

Number 3. Chatting up a storm.

There are places and situations where keeping quiet is the appropriate action. Among them are Sweden and Finland’s saunas and some dinner tables in Japan, China, Thailand, and parts of Africa.

I absolutely agree. Remember the love song “You Say It Best When You Say Nothing At All.” There are times and places where your presence will be much more welcomed in silence than with your excessive clucking.

Number 2. Public nose blowing.

This is a huge “don’t” in France, Japan, China, and Saudi Arabia. It’s deemed disgusting in general, and even more so in Japan if one employs a handkerchief rather than a single-use tissue.

I never knew it’s “acceptable” to blow your snots and what-nots out of your nose in front of people in the USA, although some unrefined people do seem to enjoy doing it publicly. I think it’s clear that most people, regardless of where they live, will be disgusted by this act of germ dissemination.

Number 1. Tipping.

Restaurants abroad often include the gratuity in the check or pay their servers’ salaries themselves. While waiters in Europe may be touched by tourists’ thoughtfulness, those in Japan are decidedly less likely to see things that way. There, leaving additional money can be considered an insult. Which potentially offensive American behaviors are you most surprised.

I agree with the author’s observation here. Tips from customers are not expected in some countries. However, I do want to mention an experience in relation to that custom (or should I say, non-custom?). When I was in Japan many years ago, my family and I stayed in a family-run hotel. The mother and the son and a few hired workers maintained the place. Both the place and the service were impeccable. They were especially accommodating to my two young children. After a couple of days, I bought them two bottles of Californian wine to show my appreciation. Yes, they were a little surprised and from their few English words and many hand gestures, I could tell that they were trying to decline them. But I smiled a lot and kept saying the words “yes, please accept it” or something to that effect. They did take them to my relief. And they were still very happy to see us for another two or three days we were there.

During the same trip, while we were in Kyoto, staying in the same cute hotel I just mentioned, we found a restaurant close-by that my young children, my wife and I all liked – and the prices weren’t too outrageous for our small budget. The service was very nice too. The second or third time we ate there, I asked the waitress if I could leave a tip for her. Actually I didn’t “talk” to her as I didn’t speak Japanese and she didn’t understand much English. I basically pointed to the change and then to her, with an index finger. She said no by shaking her head. The next morning after breakfast, I persisted in my request. This time she smiled and actually said “fank you!”.

My silly point is this: When you visit a foreign place, be aware of their customs and follow them. But if you want to be nice to people, it’s okay to show it as long as you are sensitive and respectful.

A final thought. We – from people at the North Pole to those residing in the Antarctic Circle – all help shape what “proper” manners are. Even within the same location and culture, what was customary a century ago may be frowned upon as “odd” today. As we Earthlings live ever closer together because of faster transportation and the even faster Internet, habits, gestures and languages are being borrowed, blended and created this very second. You and I may or may not agree with the AOL reporter’s observations, but at least that reporter had the humility to look into the mirror and said, “That really is strange that we Americans do that. No wonder some people don’t like us.” That type of self-examining attitude surely is a lot more welcomed than saying how improper the other people are.

Before you stake your opinion in black or white, remember, there is a fairly large patch of gray in between. Or is it “grey?”

*** The End ***

 

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