A Fine Example of Democracy – Part I

The presidential election is coming down to the wire. Despite slight blemishes in the candidates’ resumes, it’s quite clear that either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will get the job.

democracy1This election is like the sequel to the old movie The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, except The Good has gone AWOL. The choice for the voter on the ballot in November is either a misogynistic sexiopathic billionaire, or a former first lady-turned senator-turned e-mail deleting secretary of state-turned questionable fund-raiser. Isn’t our democracy great? How many countries on Earth would give you so much muck and yuck on the candidates before you cast your vote?

I could already hear a fun conversation on an open microphone when President Donald Trump goes to visit a foreign country and the host is a female head of state.

Donald: Madam President, may I call you Honey?
Foreign President: No, Donald, you may not. My first name is Niyiweiwoshishagua, Nina for short.
Donald, sniffing like a hopeful predator: Hi, Nina. You may call me Donnie. I like going on first name basis with ladies. It cuts down so much international tension right off the bat.
Nina, smiling like a sympathetic shrink: What do you have in mind, Donnie?
Donald: Oh, you know, Melania isn’t here, and I am going nuts.
Nina: Your nuts have malaria?
Donald: Melania is my wife’s name. My nuts…never mind. It’s just an American idiom.

If Hillary Clinton becomes president and hurricane Monroe strikes and kills 500 people in Corto Maltese, I could see the following emergency meeting happening in the State Department. It’s a three-way phone call between Will Doolittle (the new Secretary of State), Roger Yeaman (billionaire CEO of a major engineering firm), and President Clinton herself.

Will: Roger, the President is on the phone now. Can you both hear me…good. The President says it’s a big relief project worth 2 billion dollars which she is going to authorize. Can you handle it?
Roger: Yes, we can. I hope you were happy the last two times with what we did at Gilligan’s Island, and Robinson’s, Madam President.
Hillary: Yes, I was. That was good work.
Roger: Thank you, Ma’am. Would similar arrangements like Gilligan’s and Robinson’s be OK with everybody? That is, our company, through one of our foreign affiliates, will make a small donation of 2 million dollars to the Clinton Foundation within an hour of your announcement of this humanitarian program and the naming of XYZ Inc. as the contractor of this service.
Hillary: Roger, I knew I could count on you.
Roger: It’s my pleasure, Madam President! Helping our neighbors in South America will be an excellent opportunity for our company and the United States to show the world that we care.
Hillary: Indeed, it’s truly a win-win situation!

*** To Be Continued ***

 

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