Confession of a Non-Believer

Grew up sort of Buddhist
‘Cause Mom would practice some of its rituals
To most Chinese parents in that period
They were daily habits

Confession of non-beliverWent to a Catholic secondary school
Got baptized
A trendy thing to do
Most of my school friends believed
in God
So they all seemed
Mine was a fraud

About three days after the baptism
for faith
I lost it
The expected change in my mind
never came
And my heart never met God
But I was called Camillus
My new name

Since then I’ve been a cynic
An atheist
So free, not afraid of going to hell any more
So proud of myself
Could do things on my own
With or without deity’s help
Could do it alone
Without having to check the ratings on Yelp

This boy was fourteen then
Fast forward to October 2014
Am sixty years of age
Much older but no wiser

Came October 15
Brought me a heart attack in the parking lot of a restaurant
A good Samaritan called an ambulance
I was in deep trouble
A main pipe in my body’s plumbing ripped a section
An aortic dissection

Forty percent of such patients die before reaching the hospital
Of those that reach the hospital
Twenty percent come out breathing

I did
I shouldn’t have
But I did

Who saved me?
Logically the able doctors
But really
My mother?
Whom I met in my unconsciousness?
Mom died twenty-five years ago
God? Budda? Allah?
Some other supernatural forces?

I don’t know
As I was literally dead for over twenty days

I do know now
Not so confident about myself any more
Not so proud as before
Whoever, whatever you are who spared me
Please accept my heart-felt thank-you
With serious pun intended  Smiling face

*** The End ***

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