A few years ago, on May 13, 2012, I wrote the following story.

Fifteen Years of Affection

John is in his mid-forties, divorced and has a ten-year* old son. John and I belong to a small group of close friends who would try the food at different restaurants, watch a movie or just sit around shooting the breeze on weekends. My boys are in college. John’s son Derek is in third grade. So we would talk a lot about the kids’ education and activities, such as why chemistry and camping are both important, and why pole vaulting may be a better sport than pole dancing.

During one of those periodic get-togethers, John confided to us something very private. John said he has been romantically involved with a woman for fifteen years. Their relationship started shortly after his divorce. The woman, whom I shall call Mary was and still is married to another man.

Ten years ago John adopted Derek from Korea when he was a baby. Since then Mary has visited almost every day and they raised Derek together. Derek and Mary are so close that he calls her Mom.

John always felt guilty about his relationship with Mary. Last November he couldn’t take it any longer. He broke it off. He told her she couldn’t come to his house anymore. For six months he was the most miserable man. To make it worse, a lot worse, Derek was suffering along because Mom wouldn’t visit again. Derek was a wreck. John gave in. He called Mary and asked for reconciliation. They are together again. Derek is glad that Mommy is back.

I’ve never met Mary. It’s amazing how she and John managed to keep it a secret. The pain must be numbing to have to live in a closet for so long.

Almost everyone there gave John some words of support. We all love him as he is. I couldn’t find something appropriate to say. So I gave him a hug. He knew I understood.

What do I think of his situation? I don’t have an opinion. I don’t condone or condemn a romantic relationship that involves three people. I simply don’t know. With my own baggage of mistakes, I can’t throw stones at anybody.

I just think fifteen years is a lot of love.

Today, three years later, how do they fare, you may wonder as I was too?

It’s very good news. Derek will be a senior in high school come September. John brought him to visit me and we had lunch together a few days ago. This happened after they took a tour in the morning of a nearby University of California campus. His school grades are excellent. He is in the top 10% of his class. So his chances of getting into a good college later are quite good.

From the bits and pieces I heard from his father John over the years, Derek is the kind of student who is diligent and self-motivated. He reads extensively and does his homework daily on his own. He gets up early twice a week during summer time – when most teenagers choose to sleep in, to run a mile around the neighborhood to keep in shape. Regardless of whether or not this young man gets admitted to a top-notched college, I am quite confident that he will do well for the rest of his life. I say that because kids who have a passion about something always shine in the end.

Our conversation during lunch confirmed all the above and more. I found out that this high schooler is not only hard-working in terms of school work; he also has the nice and appropriate social manners that are so rare among adolescents his age.

John and Mary are still together. As unconventional as their family has been, Derek has a caring father and a loving mother. And this bright young man is moving into adulthood quickly.

Bon voyage, Derek!

Congratulations, John and Mary, for a parenting job well done!

Footnote:
*To protect the identities of Derek and his parents, I made him younger in the original story.

 

*** The End ***

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